Day 90...

Why do I estimate these thing? Why do I torture myself? Why is this adoption process lasting FOREVER??!!?!??! Obviously, we haven't heard anything YET. I did see a 02.09 LOA for a LID on 11.09...we are LID on 11.18. You can do an estimation if you want - I refuse. However, I will say that Rodney's birthday is on Thursday, so......

There is currently no one at my agency waiting for travel approval and we should be next in line for news. The agency hasn't gotten any packages since the CNY, so it has to be close...it has to.

Sending love & hugs to our Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 81...

I wanted to give an update on my mom...she went yesterday afternoon for her post-op visit and the surgeon told her that her decision to have the type of surgery she had was a wise one. He said that there was more cancer in the tissue that was removed and removing another smaller area might have gotten clear margins, but there would have been more cancer left - maybe even undetected. We are so glad that God gave her the wisdom to make the right choice and the courage to follow through with a very hard decision.

She is healing well and feeling better. She will meet with an oncologist for her treatment plan which should consist of some oral meds, but no chemo or radiation! That is just awesome news for all of us.

Yesterday I saw a post for a TA on one of my yahoo groups and usually those things come in waves. So maybe our agency will be getting a package full of goodies soon ;-)

Thankful while sending love and hugs to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 78...

Unintentionally, I have been on a bit of a hiatus. It has been really busy to be sooo not interesting. First, my mom had her surgery last Friday and did wonderfully. She is recovering well and we are so thankful things went as well as they did. She was suppose to go back for her post-op today, but it was cancelled because the surgeon was in surgery....so it is rescheduled for Friday. It is our prayer that the pathology report is good!

No news on the adoption front. We are quickly..as in 2 days...approaching 80 days. I am starting to get into that mode where I check the caller id when the phone rings thinking it "might" be our agency. It kind of does a number on your nerves...but thankfully I am still pretty calm which is a blessing.

On the fundraising front, I have sold 2 card designs and a blog design in my Etsy store - that's a start!

The weather here is crazy cold, warm, then crazy cold again. It hasn't gotten above freezing for the last 2 day, but a warming trend starts tomorrow. Living in this older house, the heating isn't great and I just can't get warm enough.

Rodney and I have been looking here, there and everywhere for the best prices on EVERYTHING! I have lists and lists of prices for the house. The timing of building a house is a bit crazy right now, but when we got an offer on our house, especially in the "then" deteriorating housing market, we didn't feel like we needed to pass on a buyer. And now with the current market - it was the best decision. We were able to get what we wanted out of our house and "thought" we might be able to get the house done before Elli got home - WRONG! So now it is mid-winter, we are just starting on the house, we are expecting our LOA any day and while trying to build a home for our family, we are trying to fundraise and save for our trip to China. I am not complaining about anything, I'm very happy were we are in our family's journey, it's just kind of stressful at times. There honestly doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get it all done...and I need to do more. This will definitely be one of those "remember when" stories!

Sending love & hugs to our Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 69...Gung Hay Fat Choy!!!

January 26th marks the start of the Chinese New Year celebration. According to the Chinese Zodiac calendar, 2009 is the Year of the Ox. People throughout China, and all over the world are celebrating the new year. Thousands will make the long journey home to be with their families during the festivities. This is the holiday of holidays in China.

The CCAA, the governmental agency that oversees the international adoptions in China, will be closed throughout the "Chinese New Year" celebration. No news is expected for at least another week. I expect us to be waiting 80 days + for our LOA...but a surprise would be nice ;-) Hopefully Elli is having a wonderful time as the sounds of the celebrations are sure to echo the halls of her orphanage.

My mom's appointment last week and rescheduled for today. It was decided that she would have her surgery on Friday morning. Thank you for your prayers and kind emails. We ask for your continued prayers for her surgery and recovery.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Seeds of the Heart...

Anyone who knows me very well, knows that I love to make things. I do a little bit of everything. I love the whole creation process and seeing a finished product. My latest "craft" is digital designs. I have made cards in the past, some Christmas gifts and of course playing around with the blog templates for Anna's and Elli's blog. Whatever I am doing, I want to enjoy it. So, I decided, "why not try to make some extra money doing what I like?"

I just, as in today, listed my first items on Etsy.com. Right now, I only have card designs for sale, but will be adding more items in time. The funds, of course, will be going towards adoption expenses. The cards are customizable for any occasion. You can opt to purchase a design and print at a photo finisher of your choice, or I can have the cards printed for you on a heavy matte or glossy cover cardstock with envelopes and shipped directly to you.

If you are in the market, I would love for you to take a look and spread the word. You can get directly to my store by clicking the icon in the right hand column of the blog or go to http://www.seedsoftheheart.etsy.com/

Thanks,
Marcy

Day 63...

I am sick - again! I don't know if it is a virus, the weather or maybe this house. It seems like I have been sick a lot lately, so it may be the heat here. Either way, I will be glad when Spring is here.

We are officially 2 days past Anna's LOA wait, which is good news. It stinks that we didn't break Anna's number, but it also means that any day now we could get our LOA! There was a group of families that got word today from our agency that they had recieved their Travel Approvals. If my memory serves me right, our LOA should be the next news that our agency gets from China...that's exciting!

With so much going on right now, it really is hard to even imagine going to China again, but I am ready. Our lives seem pretty crazy right now, but our family doesn't seem complete. It can be a little overwhelming to try to "plan" the "unplannable", but it doesn't stop me. I suppose I like that overwhelmed feeling - glutton for punishment I guess. I do try to step back and just see the big picture, which doesn't seem to overwhelming. We are just going to China again to get our new daughter...been there, done that, gonna do it again...no biggie. When I try to figure our the logistics, the money, the timeframe - that's when I get a little stressed.

If you remember the other family that went through the immigration nightmare with us in our state that was adopting from Ethiopia, well they got their official "referral" last week. They are waiting for their travel approval as well after their case goes through the courts. She mailed me a picture of him along with her 2 other children and let me say, he is just gorgeous...along with her other two beauties....congratulations!

My mom goes back to the surgeon tomorrow. From our understanding, they will be setting a date for her surgery. She is doing really, really well. I am very thankful for her attitude about the whole situation. The news could devastate anyone. But she seems to have picked herself up and trying her best to be positive...and actually, she is doing a pretty good job at it. She has had several people call her to share their stories that are similar to her's. People that she didn't know had faced the same diagnosis giving her words of comfort and encouragement. It has lifted her spirits....so thanks!

Sending love & hugs to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 59...

C - O - L - D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rodney got up this morning to discover that our pipes were frozen...no water. He went under the house (poor guy, it was only about 6 outside!) with my hairdryer....not sure how I am going to clean it. Anyway, with no success of thawing the pipes, he called his dad to borrow his pipe thawer thing. The bathroom has copper pipes and they are right on the outside walls. This is an older house so the insulation is not the best...especially in the bathroom and utility room.

As they began to thaw the pipe...they realized that water was running out the back of the house. They weren't real happy with that discovery. So Rodney and his dad spent their morning putting in some new pipe in the place of the busted one.

After Rodney's dad left, and we had water again, I was cleaning the kitchen and went to turn on the washer...they forgot to thaw the pipes in the utility room. So, Rodney's poor dad came back out with the very scary contraption and they thawed those pipes. It is only scary to me because anything that is very "electrical" is frightening to me. I don't like messing with fuse/breaker boxes, anything to do with car batteries, or electric fences (remember I live in the country and electric fences are everywhere). I am not sure where my fear of getting shocked actually came from, but my guess is electric fences. I have been shocked more than once and if there are sparks or potential sparks....I don't wanna mess with it.

So tonight, we are taking some extra precautions to prevent a repeat of this morning. It isn't suppose to get as cold as last night, but freezing temperatures are freezing temperatures. The colder it gets the more I want to hibernate until spring! I like winter to a point. But when you get so cold outside that you shiver uncontrollably - that's just painful.

Getting Elli's pictures from her birthday party was wonderful, but you pick apart all the details in the picture. After the initial excitement of the pictures, it doesn't take long until you start to dissect the scene. There were a ton of thoughts and questions that went through my mind, one being, "Why is she wearing a coat inside?" You can't help but wonder if they have adequate heat. All the kids have on coats, as do the adults. There is no doubt that she is in a good orphanage...knowing that Half the Sky is involved, makes it even more comforting, BUT, she isn't here. I hope she is warm and cozy today as she is waking up...and if she needs a coat inside, I hope they button it up to the top.

Sending love & hugs - warm love & hugs to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 58...phew!

I have been pretty sick over the last few days...not physically, but "adoption" sick!! There were reports that a new process was going to be implemented with China adoptions, even those not falling under the Hague guidelines (I-600 vs. I-800). The new step was going to definitely add more "wait" time and involve immigration again - not good! BUT, today I learned that it was a mistake and it did not involve those families on the I-600...which is us. Much happier this afternoon to say the least!

We are on day 58 and honestly our LOA could come any day...or in several days, but it wouldn't be unheard of if we got it....remember Anna's was 61 days. The thought of getting the LOA and then having to wait on immigration to sign off on the form and return to China was making me sick. Then the whole immunization thing - I won't put you guys through my agony on this subject! So glad it was an error and we are still well within our estimated timeline to bring Elli home!

It is insane cold. I would hate to be further north right now. In North Dakota -21...that's just crazy! There are several schools closing tomorrow because of the temperatures - which I really can't understand, but I am hoping our schools close too. I do not want to have to get out in the morning to take the boys. Call me lazy if you want, but it's cold and my flannel sheets feel really good ;-)

Speaking of cold, have you ever watched a movie where there was a lot of snow and you felt "colder"? The movie, The Day After Tomorrow...I seriously about froze to death trying to watch that film (good movie by the way). But today, I got a "breaking news" email about the US Airways plane going down in the Hudson River. I turned it over to Fox News and wow! Amazing that everyone seems to have survived with no serious injuries. That water looked so cold and I shivered as I was watching some of the people getting on the rescue boats. It could have been a horrible scene...there were some very lucky people aboard that flight.

I have a funny story about Parker. I am going to preface this with the fact that there is no negative insinuation here...just a funny line from a 4 year old. Parker asked for a waffle the other day. His daddy toasted the Eg@, put in a plate and drizzled with syrup. Went to the drawer to get a fork and oops, there weren't any clean (telling on myself here). So he got out a plastic fork and handed to Parker. Now we have some chop sticks that we occasionally pull out and Parker knows they are "Chinese forks". He took his plastic fork and said, "Momma!! Daddy gave me a Mexican fork!" Yes, we love our Mexican take out. After he said it, I started thinking, that may be the only place that he has ever used a plastic fork, at least that he remembers. Fast food/Pizza = finger foods; eat in restaurants = silverware; but Mexican takeout = Plastic Forks. He is a very funny boy.

Sending love & hugs to our Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker and Anna

Day 55...

I honestly cannot believe we actually had a weekend. Where did it go? I remember Friday - but Saturday...not really sure what happened to that day. Sunday, now I remember that one. It started with cooking breakfast, showering, getting kids ready for church, brushing my teeth, only to discover Anna standing just a tad bit funny...oh yes, we needed to change.

I don't know if this happens to you all or not, but just when we "might" make it somewhere on time, something happens - just a little kink - that throws us at least 15 minutes behind. I mean, how can changing underwear and tights on a 3 year old throw you off 15 minutes?!?! Thank goodness, I had another clean pair of tights that actually matched her outfit. The odds of that happening are just about a million to one...miracles do happen.

I want to thank everyone that has been so kind by sending emails about my mom. She is doing really well. She has always been a strong woman of faith which is especially important now. She is trying to sort through her options, talking to those who have dealt with similar diagnosis and educating herself. It just stinks. That just about sums it up.

I don't understand why this is happening, just like I don't understand why Elli is still in China. But all things work to the good for those that love the Lord, so I have to trust that this will all work out to the good...whether I see the "good" come to fruition or not - that's where our faith has to take over and just believe that it will.

Sending love & hugs to Elli...and my mom,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 52...my mom

This afternoon, my family learned that the area that my mother had removed on Wednesday was in fact cancer. There was not a clear margin removed and during her meeting today with the surgeon, she was given a couple of options for further treatment. As you can imagine, and I am sure some of you have experienced first hand, this was quite a blow. The news that she got could have been much, much worse, but no one EVER wants to hear those words.

My mother will be deciding what option of treatment to follow. We are praying for God's wisdom, comfort and healing. We believe that God can take care of it entirely without the aid of physicians/treatments, but if that is something that she...we must face, then we know that God will be with us.

Please pray for our entire family, especially my mother and father.

Sending love to Elli & praying for God's will in all things,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 51...

Today I am in brainstorming mode...what can I do creative to raise some money. I do a couple of things on the side, but I gotta get serious. Any ideas are welcomed!

Maybe in the next few days I will be introducing a few things.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 50...

Yesterday on one of the yahoo groups that I am a member of, there was a family that got their LOA/SC on day 76...wow! Nice to see some small numbers after several 100+ LOA/SCs that I have seen lately. Maybe just maybe, our estimates will be on target THIS TIME!!

Today I went to be with my mom, who did great by the way. We didn't find out anything on the pathology reports, but we are optimistic and will continue to pray for good news when she goes for her post-op visit on Friday. Thanks for your prayers and your continued prayers are appreciated.

Since I have been in a kind of "weird" state all day I haven't really thought much about much of anything other than my mom. I came home with a headache, took a nap - that doesn't happen often! - and now I need to play catch up on everything that I didn't do today. So today's post is from Parker.

Me - "What would you like to say to Elli today?"
Parker - "That I love her."
Me - "If you could talk on the phone to Elli right now, what would you tell her?"
Parker - "I will buy you a TV for you room. I will buy you a remote. I will buy you video games. I will buy you a controller and a computer. Whoa Momma, a computer is a big present ain't it? And I will buy you a deer. (Parker thinks he can buy anything with $1.00) Momma what is Elli's favorite movie?"
Me - "I don't know."
Parker - "Probably Indiana Jones or Spider-Man or Iron Man. I fell asleep during Iron Man. I am going to get you a room, but Momma has to move it. Anna is going to share her room with you. Momma is Elli little?"
Me - "Yes."
Parker - "Will it be okay if I hold her?"
Me - "Maybe, but she's not that little. She's like Anna."
Parker - "Will we have to teach her how to play the Wii?"
Me - "Yes."
Parker - "It is so hard to teach her to play the Wii. I wish I had another picture of Elli in China. I want to take a picture of me with Elli and we will say 'Cheese'. I want her to come here."

Me too Parker.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 49...

I can hardly believe it is really DAY 49!!! We were on day 61 with Anna when we got our LOA/SC and were IN China only a month later! That totally blows my mind. I mean, the wait has been long - over a year now, but when you have waited so long for something and then you start to see it finally coming, it's a little hard to wrap your mind around it all.

There is so much to be done, yet I really can't do much about any of it. We are still working to get all our funds for the final "leg" of this race, trying to get the house started (no, we still haven't started...rain, rain go away!!), and just mentally preparing to board a plane and leave my other kids for 2 weeks. I am ready, don't get me wrong, but being ready and being "ready" is 2 completely different things.

Now just because that was Anna's number, doesn't mean it will be Elli's....it would be nice though. Getting LOA/SC at 61 days is pretty rare as a matter of fact. I think the average is about 80 days and some poor souls have had to wait 100+ days. There is no real reason why some take longer than others. There are holidays in China where the CCAA is closed that plays a role but for the most part...it is just random. The Chinese New Year will be coming up in January (25 - 31) where the CCAA will be closed for 7 days, so that has to be taken into account. The next "national" holiday is in April and heaven help - surely that won't have any affect on us!?!?

The kids are starting to talk more about Elli, maybe because we are, but she is on their minds. I have prayed for God to prepare all of us and her for the coming transition, so I just have to believe that is what he is doing. Parker is really sweet asking if she is a baby like Sam (my 12 month old nephew) or a baby like Anna. Anna recognizes her picture and will call out her name, or at least what she calls her, when her picture flashes up on the screen saver. I think we are all just about ready ;-)

Tomorrow my mom is having a procedure and I will be going to be with her after I drop off the kids at school. Any prayers would be appreciated for her and for everything surrounding the surgery. I hope to be able to post very good news tomorrow after it is all done.

Sending love & hugs to our Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Day 48...

I am not making any promises here or under the assumption that you all are all crossing your fingers in hopes of daily posts, but in an effort to have some "self-therapy" during my "wait" time, I thought I might try to write some random thoughts everyday. We are on day 48 of our LOA/SC (letter of acceptance/seeking confirmation letter) and I am beginning to think a lot more about "stuff". When we adopted Anna, I believed and still believe that her adoption was not just about adopting "her". If I can do something, say something, open myself up to encourage others to adopt, support an adoptive family, support an orphan, etc. then I want to do all I can for these children. I am not a "public" person. I like my emotions to be very private, but sometimes we don't get to do what we like or maybe we shouldn't do what we like because the opposite maybe better for us in the long run.

Many times people don't share their feelings because they think others might think differently of them. However, not sharing your story causes you to miss out on maybe helping someone who is going through what you have gone through. Your struggles were then gone through in vain. But, if you share your struggles, thoughts, experiences, you might can help others who are looking for help, advice or encouragement. Not claiming to be Socrates or anything, but I want to share my struggles if it can help others. So this is my first installment on day 48 of the inside of an expectant mother's head. It can be scary in there sometimes, so I'll just go ahead an offer an apology for my random thoughts and ramblings. Anyway, these are my thoughts today...

Don't let anyone be fooled...adoption is not easy. Although Anna's transition into our family has been ideal on every level - there has been and still are struggles. There are moments that you just don't know what to do, how to feel or can't express. The joys outnumber the struggles about a million to one, but sometimes that one is hard.

As I am preparing for a new addition, I have been thinking a lot about Anna’s first few months with us. When she first came home, she was so loving and open to our family members. We were expecting her to be very reserved with her affection and willingness to interact with others, especially after her "clinginess" to us in China. However, she embraced our boys, our parents, siblings and extended family from the beginning. She seemed "right at home" with us all. Soon after we began to go out more with her in public, we began to feel very uneasy about her willingness to show affection and interact with EVERYONE!

Many extended family members or friends we don't see that often were very supportive of Anna's adoption and couldn't wait to see her. They loved her hugs and kisses at their first meeting. Although I thought it a bit strange since she had never seen these people before, I thought maybe she sensed that they are "family/friends" by our interactions with them. But then, it was the lady in the grocery isle, the office workers at the physician's office or a complete random person at a basketball game. Anna would scream and reach for strangers. If we let her be close to them she would try to kiss them, on the lips of course, lay her head on their chest and not want to come back to us. It was very hard to pull a screaming child that obviously didn’t look like us from a stranger. I almost felt as though people thought we had abducted her or something.

I began to worry about bonding issues, about us introducing her to too many people too fast, about reactive attachment...my mind was spinning and I didn't know what to do. Rodney thought I was overreacting, but I knew something wasn't right. A 20 month old should not be willing to go off with strangers...it isn't normal or safe.

After talking with our social worker about Anna's behaviors and my concerns, she told me that I needed to give Anna more time and be more restrictive on who she can and cannot "go" to in public. She also told me that Anna was in an orphanage for 18 months...I needed to give her 18 months out of the orphanage to really "adjust". We began to tell her "no" when she would cry for people. Of course that was hard because people wanted to hold her too. She was tiny, cute and the fact that she was obviously adopted makes her just that much more "adorable". I am being blunt here. When you know that a child has been in an orphanage, not given much attention you want to do "more" than normal. It's just our nature. So people wanted to hold her, she was screaming to be held by others and we are saying no...we looked and felt so mean! When we were out with family, we wouldn't let anyone else hold her either. We were really trying to reinforce that "we" were the parents and she couldn't just go to anyone.

Over the last year and a half, Anna has learned who is who. She still wants attention from just about everyone we meet, but she isn't as likely to prompt them to pick her up, or try to kiss them. She is more reserved and definitely knows who "momma" and "daddy" are to say the least.

As our adoption of Elli comes closer and closer (Thank God!!) I try to prepare myself for potential struggles. I know that just as with Anna’s adoption, God will help us overcome whatever we may face, but I try to prepare myself as much as possible. I believe Elli comes from completely different circumstances vs. Anna; however, she is still a baby that is going to be taken from practically all she has ever known by complete strangers.

There is a broken heartedness that comes with adoption. You want to be the family, but you hurt because you know that to become that family, they will hurt. Life just isn’t easy and adoption is no exception.

Sending love to our Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna