Be Still My Heart!!!!

This morning, I got up in not the best mood. I have been feeling sick for nearly 4 days now, headaches, nausea, sore muscles...yuck...and tired of not wanting to do anything. The house is a disaster zone, toys everywhere, dishes - lets not talk about that - and laundry needing my attention, yet I haven't felt like doing anything. I get my morning cup of joe, make my way to the computer to check my messages. The computer is being slow, which just adds to my sour mood...frustrated that it is taking soooo long to download my messages only to read "QiaoQiao's Birthday Pictures" in the subject line with a lovely paperclip (attachment) beside the message!!!!

I immediately start telling the kids to come to the computer, mute the tv and "LOOK!!!!" Yep, the tears started with picture #1 and continued through the whole lot of EIGHT! She is just gorgeous, what can I say. She looks very happy, the kids around her look happy and the adults in the room look very attentive. The cake, the fruit and the little danish type rolls on the table...oh, it just made my heart swell. On the wall it says "Happy Birthday" and the symbol for "Qiao". I found out that they call her "QiaoQiao" at the orphanage. Then all the girls have little bows in their hair, which looks like a craft project that they did and Elli has on a crown! They did make her day special! Thank you God.

They are clapping for our big girl's special day!

Look at the little girl beside Elli...is she excited or what?!?

Look at those sweet faces

"Happy Birthday Qiao"

"I'm Three!!"

Double 3's

This one may be my favorite. She is lovin' the attention...perfect fit for our family ;-)

Such an innocent face. Come on LOA!!!

Just the medicine that I needed!

Sending love & hugs to our sweet Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Happy Birthday Elli...

Sending much love & birthday wishes to our Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Package Full of Love...

I wish that we were giving Elli a Christmas present ourselves, but since that cannot happen THIS year, we are sending our lovely girl a care package. In the package there is an album with 10 of our pictures that I sent to our care package liaison in Beijing. She printed out the pictures, translated our information, along with a letter to the orphanage staff, a disposal camera in hopes that they will take some pictures of Elli and a musical toy. I had read in her reports that she liked music. Sometimes when I watch Anna sing and dance, it just breaks my heart because I know there should be another little girl dancing around the house with Anna. But soon....I pray soon. Then on her birthday, December 26th, she is sending the funds for a cake to be purchased for her. Again, we hope that there are some pictures taken.

Angela sent me a picture of the package she put together. I can't express in words the emotions that seem to just take over when I think about this little girl holding the album, thumbing through the pictures and what thoughts may go through her head. If you are a mother, then you have a sense of what it is like. You want your children to know you. You want to experience those special moments and those everyday moments. It thrills me to think of her getting a new toy, but it breaks my heart to know that I can't see her experience it. I don't know if she has ever had a toy or birthday cake of her own. I am going to miss it.

I know that she has changed so much over the last 8 months. Sometimes it is just about too much. Above everything else, we just want her to be safe, healthy and to be shown love. We pray that she is shown love everyday by her caregivers. It has been a feeling of helplessness and total lack of control for such a long time. This time of year is just harder I guess...you want your loved ones close. Ironic isn't it? The season that celebrates our heavenly father giving his son to us, we want our loved ones even closer.

The "stuff" doesn't matter. I just want all my babies home. We have "known" Elli for well over a year and been working to bring her to our home for almost a year...January 4th is the one year anniversary of being agency matched with her. God in heaven knows I don't understand this whole timing thing, but I know there must be a reason.

Sending much love, many hugs & kisses to our sweet Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna Mei

LID...

FINALLY!!! It took a while, but we finally got our LID (log in date). Our dossier was logged into the CCAA on November 18, 2008...which puts us at day 24! And that only 2 remaining items from CCAA before we go to meet our girl!!!!!!! I love checkin' off my list.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna Mei

December the What????

Oh my gosh! Where has the last couple of weeks gone?!? It seems a blurr since Thanksgiving and honestly I probably can't recall very many of the days between then and now. Not that my social calendar has been full by any means, but there has been quite a bit going on plus sickness, so it seems as though December is quickly passing me by.

To make matters worse, Christmas shopping - HA!!! Christmas Tree - Nope! How horrible is that? I usually have my tree up the first of December, but this year is just kind of blah. I think it is a combination of not feeling well, being in a different house that doesn't feel like "home" and dreading the thought of ADDING another thing in the house has not motivated me to put up a tree. Thankfully, the kids haven't really said too much because they don't know where we will put it either! I think this maybe up for the "Worst Mom of the Season" award :-(

Sending love & hugs to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna Mei

The Winner Is.....

Julie Young!!! Congrats Julie on winning the necklace and thank you for your support. Thanks to everyone that participated. Every dollar is appreciated.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Fundraising Experiment....

Well, we are always looking at options on how to help save/make some extra money for adoption costs/fees. Several of my adoption "buddies" have held various raffle type events in order to raise money. So, I thought I would do a Fundraising Experiment to see if it would work for us. There are drawings for Wii consoles, cameras, GPS devices...you name it. I didn't want to do anything "big" until I found out if it would be successful or if the readers of this blog even wanted to do anything like this. But, I thought we would give it a shot and see.

I have one of these necklaces that I got as an early birthday present this year. I really like mine because it has my kiddos on it...I know that there are many mommies that follow this blog that are just as nuts over their kids as I am mine, so I thought this item might be a good start for us.

my loves

anna (heart) elli

carter (dot) jacob (dot) parker

So, here are the details about the piece - the sterling sliver discs are each hand stamped to your specification. The discs can be smooth, like the two shown or textured. There are two sterling sliver chains to choose from in 16 or 18 inches; rope or serpentine. The large disc is 1 inch in diameter, then 3/4 inch and the smallest is 1/2 inch. You can chose the Swarovski crystal(s) to match birthstones, anniversary months or just your favorite color. You can chose the channel stone or the plain crystals. The necklace is handmade by The Pretty Peacock in Mill Creek, Washington. You can check out some of her work at the The Pretty Peacock Etsy Store.

I have spoken with Ana at The Pretty Peacock and she is excited about participating in the giveaway. These are the rules. ANYONE can enter. You don't have to make a donation to get your name in the "pot". But, hey, that is the reason I am doing this, so if you would like to make a donation...thanks! At the end of the "entering phase" we will hold a drawing for the necklace. After the winner is announced, I will pay for the necklace, giving Ana your contact information, you and she will work out your customization for your piece. The piece will be shipped to you and that's it!

In order to enter, you can either make a donation through the ChipIn on the sidebar of the blog or if you just want to enter, you can email me your information at jacarg2@yahoo.com Either way, your name will be entered into the drawing for the necklace.

This is a great gift to yourself ;-) or for a special mom, aunt, sister, or friend for Christmas. We will hold the drawing on Wednesday, November 26 so that the transaction can be made before the December 1 deadline for Christmas delivery. Now, the "small print". IF this were to be a complete flop...well, we are done with this type of fundraisers. IF this is successful and we raise some money to help with Elli's adoption, then we will be looking for other items (suggestions are appreciated) to give away. We are working towards our travel money (airline tickets, hotel stay, food, etc.) as well as our in-country fees and orphanage donation (mandatory donation of $3000, possibly $5000 by the time we travel), so yeah, we are doing everything we can think of to round up the cash!

We are appreciative of all you who faithfully read this blog and pray for our sweet girl...we desire prayers above anything else. We know that God will provide what is needed.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

No LID Yet....

No word of a log in date as of today...that doesn't mean that we aren't logged in though. Hopefully, we just aren't aware of it yet. Our agency is checking daily for any information, so we just wait.

Once we get word of our LID, we are just going to wait again, so I am not too stressed about it. I know the dossier is there and that is more than half the battle. Do I want LID? Yes, I wanted it back in June...I wanted to be traveling to China by now, but apparently that wasn't "the plan." So thankfully today, I am optimistic about where we are, enjoying the ones traveling this journey with me and excited about the future. Now that's today...we'll see about tomorrow :)

Sending love & hugs to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Thank You .CHOP!

At 3:13 pm Monday afternoon in Beijing, China .CHOP signed for the delivery of our dossier. Our dossier, filled with 10 months of work, lot of tears and a bundle of dreams arrived safely in China where we will wait for our log in date. It may take several days or even weeks before we learn of our log in date. So we wait again!

With Anna's adoption, we were 30 days in our LOA wait before we knew our log in date. It was a little bitter sweet to have to wait so long to discover our date, but nice to know that we had over a month under our belt of "wait" time. We have been on this journey for nearly a year, but Elli has been waiting for almost 3...we will be glad when her wait is over.

She is already here with us in our hearts, so the fact that she physically is missing is hard. We were out on Sunday at a restaurant; the server asked how many was in our party and Rodney called out 11 (we were with my sister, her husband and my two nephews). Jacob told Rodney that it was only 10...Rodney agreed he was wrong, but he had counted Elli. We are already a family of 7...but she isn't here yet.

Thankful that our dossier is in China, but wishing our Elli was at home. Sending love & hugs to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

U - T - A - H Baby!!!

When you are adopting, little things can be huge. Getting a piece of paper, having your papers stamped, sending your papers off...yes, it is a big deal. Yesterday we finally were able to send off our papers, our dossier, to our agency for translation to make their way to China. The packet should arrive in Utah this afternoon.

Our agency will go over every document to make sure that everything is perfect before it makes its way across the Pacific. After it arrives in China, we will be issued a log in date. This date marks our "official" start of the waiting game. The waiting that we have done since January it doesn't count....at least not to anyone except us!

So another milestone accomplished and a step closer. Hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here on out. I really think that February travel is possible even though there have been some very long waits for those already logged in. With Anna's adoption there were some that had waited a long time and our wait looked much longer than it was, but the CCAA must have done some overtime because we only waited 2 months for our LOA, which is not long. I don't expect a 2 month LOA, but I am not ruling it out either ;-)

Looking to the next milestone & sending love to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Traveling Papers...

So now that we have all our "documents", what's next? Many times I assume that people just know, but I am reminded, pretty much daily, that they don't. Since I love adoption, I actually enjoy trying to explain to people and hopefully educate potential adoptive parents of the process. In fact, I probably try to explain 'too much'. Rodney tells me that I should skip out on some of the tiny details, but I am a detail girl, so if you like details........

We got our USCIS approval on Monday afternoon before we left for Anna's surgery, so I couldn't "do" anything until after we got back home. On the Monday following Anna's surgery, I took all the documents to my lovely notary ;-) and she notarized the documents. On Tuesday, I went to my county courthouse to have the documents county certified. Basically it is the county court clerk saying that the notary can notarize. I had already sent the police clearances to Franklin County to have them county certified because they were notarized in Frankfort, KY. So since all the documents had been county certified in the appropriate counties, we left from Anna's post op visit in Louisville, KY and drove to Frankfort, KY. There we had all the documents certified at the State level, which is the Secretary of State of Kentucky saying that the county court clerks can verify the notaries to notarize...yeah, do you see the repetitiveness of this stuff?? On Friday, I sent all the documents to a courier in Washington, D.C., who will take the documents to the US Secretary of State to be authenticated, saying the Sec of State of Kentucky can verify the county court clerks that can verify the notaries to notarize. Then they will travel to the Chinese Embassy to authenticate. The courier will then mail the documents back to me. After I get the documents, I will make copies, add family pictures, add money :-( and send to the agency where they will be translated and sent to China where we will receive our LID, log in date, and our official "time" will begin.

Pretty sad that all this "time" doesn't really count for much. The paper gathering stage doesn't affect your "wait" time. Your timeline doesn't really begin until your documents are logged into the China program. After you receive your LID, then you can follow the "averages" to try to determine your travel dates. However, as with any average, there is a low end and a high end. Fortunately with Anna, we fell on the rather low end of the averages...we pray the same will happen with Elli.

So we are waiting on our traveling papers to return home to us. I am hoping by the end of this week, beginning of next. Wait, wait, wait....that is the name of this game.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Elli

The Golden Ticket....

Just before we got ready to leave for Anna's surgery on Monday afternoon, the beloved 797-C, immigration approval, arrived in the mail. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to finally be holding that piece of paper in my hand.

I put the approval with my dossier documents and we headed to Louisville for Anna's surgery. When we got home yesterday afternoon, I had the county certified documents from Franklin County. I am hoping that Anna will feel well enough tomorrow, that I can get the other's notarized and county certified tomorrow. I would love to to have them off to Frankfort by this weekend.

We are hoping to get an update on Elli soon...we'll just have to cross our fingers that it comes through. Thanks for all the well wishes on Anna's surgery and tremendous support for our immigration approval.

Sending love & hugs to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

God Has Responded...Again!

I don't think that I can accurately put into words the total feeling of relief, joy, thankfulness, gratitude, appreciation, and utter excitement of today's events. I began my morning with emailing my Representative, the CCAI, my home study and placing agency, the immigration attorney, and calling my Senator's office to let them know that our asset verification package arrived at the USCIS office yesterday morning. I wanted to let them know so that they could begin again to ask for our case status since our "new" information was in their possession.

Around 2:00 in the afternoon, I got a call from one of my Senator's office. When I saw the number on the caller ID, I ran into the bathroom - my new office - it is the quietest room in this house. The case worker said, "Mrs. Gross?" "This is she," I say. "This is XXXXX at Senator McConnell's office. I emailed immigration regarding your status and I just got an email from the field officer saying that your case had been approved and notification was sent in the mail yesterday." Hands are beginning to shake, stomach is making its way up my throat and I say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa...who is this?" Yeah, I was sounding really professional with my "whoas". She repeated her name. I said, "are you saying that we got our approval?" She read me the email message and said, "if you don't have it in the next couple of days, call me and I will walk down there and get it myself." Have you ever had an emotional dam to break? Well I have and I had another one to break today. I began to cry, nearly sobbing. She congratulated me and I hung up the phone. Tears are rolling, I begin to scream and jumping up and down. I think I may have pulled a muscle in my thigh, but that's okay. Parker came running into the room asking, "why are you crying? Momma, what are you doing? Momma, why are you doing that?" He got excited too when I told him that we got good news about Elli.

As soon as I get through with my happy dance, I call Rodney. Of course he doesn't answer! So I leave a message and call my cousin. She was the first one that I got to "tell". She has been an awesome support for me. I know that they have prayed, brain stormed, and were willing to do whatever to help us get this done....Thank you! Next, I started calling mine and Rodney's family. Everyone was really excited because we have been praying for this mountain to be removed since June. It wasn't on my time table, God knows, but he has responded!

I don't ever want to deny giving God the glory for what he has and is doing in my life. He has given me a life far better than one I could have planned on my own. He has provided and made ways for my family that no one else could have done. He has moved on people's hearts to help us, to fight for us and to pray for us. I praise God for this work, but I want to thank all of you who have supported us and prayed that our approval would come soon. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

So, if you are like the rest of my family...what's next? When the approval comes in the mail, I make a copy, have that copy notarized along with my other dossier documents, county certified and then they will go to Frankfort for the state level certification. I hope it comes tomorrow so that I can get this done tomorrow and in the mail to Frankfort by Saturday. Then Anna will have her surgery on Tuesday and I hope that it will be back to me by Thursday. Then it will be going to Washington, D.C. for Secretary of State certification and Chinese Embassy authentication. Following all the signatures, seals and stamps the documents will go to our placing agency where it will be translated and sent to China. When it arrives in China, we will wait for the LID (log in date). After the LID, somewhere around 80 days (sometimes more, sometimes less) we should receive a LOA/SC (letter of acceptance/seeking confirmation) asking us if we want to continue to proceed with the adoption. We check YES, sign and return to China. After the LOA/SC gets back to China they usually issue a TA (travel approval) in about 2 to 3 weeks. After the TA has been received, our placing agency will schedule our CA (consulate appointment) and that determines our travel dates and the day that WE WILL MEET ELLI!!!!

Can you see the light at the end of this insanely long and twisted tunnel? Because I think I see a flicker ahead! With averages, we could be traveling in mid-January. Yeah, go back and read my previous posts where I say that January looked near impossible...what's impossible? I am just loving today, what can I say?!?

So incredibly thrilled and sending the biggest hug ever to my sweet Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna

Update of Sorts...

No news from USCIS to date...no news from either Senators' office or my Representative's office...no news from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute....BUT, I do have the majority of my asset junk together. I am still hopeful that the CCAI contact will be able to get some information for me or at least let CIS in Washington, D.C. know how the Louisville office is being ran. From my understanding, unfortunately, the Louisville office is one of many across the U.S. that is doing whatever they please.

I am planning on sending in my stuff to USCIS on Monday. After they get this information, I know that my Representative's office is going to push for them to do something. I think they have been dragging us along for long enough. It is just hard knowing that we are going to be waiting again for a decision. And the sad part is that we don't know what they will decide. We meet the requirements for approval in the first place, so the added assets should make me even more confident, but it doesn't. Who knows how they will view the information that I send them, how will they interpret it, what regulations (that they can't show me, or I can't find anywhere) will they use to try to deny us, will they accept this "third" party documentation when they wouldn't accept the home study agency as a third party? It is just total madness.

I really, really, really hope that soon I will have a much more positive outlook and that I can post some good news about Elli on this blog. The other families that were matched around the same time as us, people that we thought we might be traveling with, have already gotten their travel approvals from China. They are getting their travel plans together and preparing to meet their children. I am thrilled for all of them, but it does hurt just a little. I don't want anyone to have to "trade" places with us, or wonder why not them instead of us, but I do wish I knew why Elli was having to wait so long for a family. It doesn't make sense to me and I suppose that it never will. I just pray that it won't be much longer.

Sending hugs, kisses & love to Elli,

Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna