I wish that we were giving Elli a Christmas present ourselves, but since that cannot happen THIS year, we are sending our lovely girl a care package. In the package there is an album with 10 of our pictures that I sent to our care package liaison in Beijing. She printed out the pictures, translated our information, along with a letter to the orphanage staff, a disposal camera in hopes that they will take some pictures of Elli and a musical toy. I had read in her reports that she liked music. Sometimes when I watch Anna sing and dance, it just breaks my heart because I know there should be another little girl dancing around the house with Anna. But soon....I pray soon. Then on her birthday, December 26th, she is sending the funds for a cake to be purchased for her. Again, we hope that there are some pictures taken.
Angela sent me a picture of the package she put together. I can't express in words the emotions that seem to just take over when I think about this little girl holding the album, thumbing through the pictures and what thoughts may go through her head. If you are a mother, then you have a sense of what it is like. You want your children to know you. You want to experience those special moments and those everyday moments. It thrills me to think of her getting a new toy, but it breaks my heart to know that I can't see her experience it. I don't know if she has ever had a toy or birthday cake of her own. I am going to miss it.
I know that she has changed so much over the last 8 months. Sometimes it is just about too much. Above everything else, we just want her to be safe, healthy and to be shown love. We pray that she is shown love everyday by her caregivers. It has been a feeling of helplessness and total lack of control for such a long time. This time of year is just harder I guess...you want your loved ones close. Ironic isn't it? The season that celebrates our heavenly father giving his son to us, we want our loved ones even closer.
The "stuff" doesn't matter. I just want all my babies home. We have "known" Elli for well over a year and been working to bring her to our home for almost a year...January 4th is the one year anniversary of being agency matched with her. God in heaven knows I don't understand this whole timing thing, but I know there must be a reason.
Sending much love, many hugs & kisses to our sweet Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna Mei
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