Wow, July 10th since my last post. I guess you all think I am a major slacker. Partially true I guess. I have several excuses…we have been busy selling our house, packing, remodeling a rental, moving and then of course, the real reason for my absence is just plain avoidance. Nothing personal, just needing a break. Our “done this before, it should be pretty easy” adoption is not going so smoothly. As a matter of fact, it is a pretty uphill battle, in the snow, with no shoes, wind blowing in our faces with the feeling like we are losing ground with every attempted step. It has just been hard.
I really struggled with going on vacation this summer because I knew that we would need the money we would spend on the vacation for the adoption. Although we were staying with my parents, there were still going to be expenses…I mean, we are a family of 6 that eats a lot!! Rodney told me that it was up to me, but he wanted to go. My sister told me that I needed to go. As a matter of fact, she said, “you have been through a lot this last year and you don’t know what all you will be facing this next year.” Basically she was saying, go while you can…take a break! I am wondering if she was giving me some prophetic message, because the storms came rolling in just two days after us returning home and they haven’t cleared yet.
I told you all about how that China evoked a deadline on us, which we could not meet. Our placing agency worked diligently requesting for an extension. We being one of five families in this situation prayed for God to move. Our families and our churches prayed for God to move on the officials of China….he did. China showed us leniency and we were given permission to proceed with the adoption. All while still up in the air about China’s final decision, as a matter of fact, the day before we got the “good” news, I got horrible news. The USCIS office denied our immigration approval.
I stood in my front door in total shock. My hands were shaking, my legs felt numb and I didn’t know how to react. You have heard the expression “running around like a chicken with its head cut off”…that was me. I was running from room to room in my house, trying to find the phone, my phone numbers, my papers, my wits… I finally had to stop in the kitchen and literally talked, out loud, to myself, “calm down Marcy, think…think.” I called my home study agency first. As the social worker answered the phone, I lost all control of my emotions trying to tell her what I held in my hands. She was speechless. She asked me what the letter said specifically. She couldn’t believe this was happening to us, or why. I then called my placing agency, after I had gained some self control. They too were shocked. Both agreed that I needed to make an appointment to go to the USCIS office and refute the decision.
I made the appointment. I went carrying all of our financial information, our home study, every supporting piece of documentation I could think of including a request from a family member asking to be the family sponsor of the adoption along with all their financial information….I had everything that I needed to dispute the decision, plus a back up plan. I was nervous, but I kept telling myself that it would all be okay. I had everything and more that I needed. I knew that people were praying for me as I waited to speak to the immigration officer.
I don’t know how many of you have ever gone to an immigration office, but it is not a warm fuzzy place. There are many chairs lining the walls, glass windows with the little holes for you to slide your applications, paperwork to the officers; a hole for you to “speak” through and just a feeling of intimidation. I turned in my appointment paper and was asked….this is verbatim, “what do you want?” I handed the denial letter to the officer and said that I didn’t understand the reasoning for our denial. She read the letter and then said, again this is verbatim, “you were denied….what do you want to know?” I began to tell her that the reasoning for our denial wasn’t accurate. That my husband was self-employed, that we are allowed deductions, under the IRS code that make a significant difference in our reported gross income and our actual adjusted gross income. That we had x amount of assets…again, that I didn’t understand the denial. Seeing that this was getting no where…fast…I told her that if they didn’t want to take those considerations, into consideration, then I had brought the required documentation to file an I-864. She then told me that I couldn’t use that for an international adoption….of course apparently she didn’t know that it specifically mentions that in its instructions. I told her that I was instructed by my home study agency and placing agency that it could and they had used it in the past. She said, “Wait.” She turned from her chair, got up and walked away from the window and was gone for at least 15 to 20 minutes. I know this because there was clock directly in front of me…I stared at it as I prayed for God to help me keep it together. She came back, handed me a form, told me to fill it out and the schedule of fees, in which she pointed out that I would need to pay $585.00. She was finished with me and was looking over my shoulder at the next person in line. I turned and walked to Rodney sitting, holding Anna in the waiting area.
As soon as I approached him, he began asking questions. I had to tell him to stop, I needed to calm down. I gathered my things and walked over to a work table. I then started explaining to him what she had said. I was told to fill out an I-824 which is basically a request to file a motion or appeal of a decision. I filled out the form and then told Rodney I was calling my agency. I walked outside the office and called my faithful agency coordinator. She couldn’t understand why they were requiring this form and told me to ask to speak directly to the adoption petition officer. So I went back in, got back in line, and made my apparently, very annoying request. Again, I was told to “wait.” They moved me over to the next window, pulled the blinds and I stared again at that clock. Finally after about 15 minutes, a lady came to the window and introduced herself stating, “I am the one that denied you…what do you need to know.” Yeah….
So I begin my spill again. In a room full of about 30 people, I am standing in front of a window, discussing my personal information, personal finances, business finances, our asset values….totally demeaning, insulting and degrading. Oh, and don’t forget my personal plea based on our love for an orphaned little girl in China. There was no human emotion to make my appeal. Our assets would not be addressed, I was just told that she had all of our information, but she would take anything new that I might have brought. I gave her our current general ledger for the business, a letter from my former employer stating what I should expect to make should I enter the workforce and a basic run down of our assets. Now I want to point out that our home study, other than the former employer letter, verifies every piece of information that we give them. That is the job of the home study agency to do a “study” of the home, the parents, the other children involved, the finances and the eligibility based on the US guidelines and the guidelines of the country in which the family is adopting. These agencies are licensed by the state to do this job…we are required by the state, the federal government, adopting country to have one of these performed. However, now, they aren’t taking these documents, these studies at their word.
Seeing that I wasn’t making any progress with my arguments, I then told her that I had brought information to file an Affidavit of Support, I-864. She told me that those couldn’t be used in adoptions. I explained ‘to her’ how that the document, supporting documents are used. She asked where the form was. I told her that the form is filed in the country in which you adopt, not your local USCIS office. She said, “Well, then that is up to the consulate in China to approve you, not me.” Seriously? I have to have the I-600A approval before I can even get to China to file the I-864….these are not my rules and regulations…they are yours! She told me that she would take the documents and see. Okay, what does that mean? I asked if I needed to file the “new” form and pay the “new” fee since I would be filing this I-864, which is pretty much fail-proof…she said yes. So I am paying nearly $600 to ask the United States government to look back over my financial documents to see if I can afford to adopt…doesn’t that make sense? Where do they think we are getting the $600? How do they think I can afford to file this form?
I try, one last time to make a human appeal. I tell her that we love this little girl. I understand the policies and procedures in place, but we feel confident that we meet these criteria. That this little girl needs a family, we want to be her family, China has said we could be her family, they have given us our pre-approval already and this is the ONLY piece of paper that we lack in order to file our dossier to bring her home. That we have 4 other children, we have never, nor currently do we receive any governmental assistance, that we are certain that we can provide for this child. Nothing. I ask if she has any idea when she might make a decision because China could evoke another deadline. She told me she might make a decision by the end of the week. It will be 7 weeks on Tuesday.
I stood there with tears running down my face as I handed her my papers, my new form, my money feeling totally backstabbed by my government. I have never in my entire life felt so insignificant, that those I love were so insignificant in my entire life. Not only was I embarrassed that I was having to walk through a crowded room crying, nearly in that sobbing state where you lose complete control of your breathing, but I was embarrassed that the immigrants waiting, those that couldn’t speak English, those that dreamed of becoming a citizen of this country was going to have to face those same officers that I, an American-born citizen, had just faced, all under the authority of the United States Government.
Poor Rodney. He was trying to console me, yet wanting to know everything that had been said as he was trying to take care of Anna while I was beating my head against the brick wall aka, USCIS. I cried off and on for the majority of the 2 ½ hour ride home. My head was just about to burst open from the internal pressure of my brain!! I wanted to find a nice, dark hole to hide in for just a few hours.
I went everyday to the mailbox for the next 2 weeks expecting something only to be disappointed every single time. Rodney didn’t want me to stir up to much because we were hoping that the USCIS officer would give us the approval and be done with us. After 3 weeks of no news, I contacted my senator’s office. At week 4, my representative’s office and an immigration attorney. The attorney told me that her first move is to contact elected officials…I have already done that so she suggests that we wait to hear from them before anything else is done. I haven’t heard the first word from my senator’s office, but my representative’s office has been awesome.
I emailed their office on Thursday afternoon asking if they had heard anything. My email was not the nicest in regards to my feelings toward the USCIS office. She sent my email directly to the supervising officer. He emailed her back stating that they had sent a packet in the mail that day (coincidence I am sure) requesting verification of our assets. Are you kidding me?!? Just over 6 weeks prior you wouldn’t even discuss the use of our assets, now you want us to send you MORE paperwork to mull over regarding our assets? So then what…another 6 – 7 weeks for……more questions? Maybe then they will request verification on our I-864 applicant’s assets. Total madness!
When I got the email from my representative’s case worker, I first went into a crying fit. Then, I got pretty fired up and sent her an email back. I questioned why they are doing this now, when all they have to do is just totally forget us and their issues with our self-employment state and use the Affidavit of Support to give us our approval. She said that she didn’t understand why this was all happening either, but she would question just that. I thanked her for her tremendous help and she ended up calling me just to check on my emotional stability I guess ;-) She said that she just wanted to hear my voice and for me to hear her’s. She was very comforting and very determined. She said that they would keep trying to help us.
There is another family in Kentucky that is facing a similar circumstance. They are trying to adopt a special needs little boy from Ethiopia. They are farmers. For whatever reasoning, because self-employed and farmers are taking the IRS approved deductions, which decreases their adjusted gross income, yet fully legal – again, their regulations, not mine, we are now being penalized. Oh, and don’t forget about the little girl in China, the little boy in Ethiopia that is also suffering due to this bureaucratic nonsense. For five months now, we have been waiting for an immigration approval to bring Elli home. When we started this journey, we thought that September would be a very conservative estimate for travel…now January is nearly impossible.
See, we are just a number, just an application, just a piece of paper. We are of no importance, no priority, and no concern. But, I am done. I am finished trying to be patient. I am tired of hoping that “they” will finally do their jobs efficiently, effectively and ethically. I was mad before, but I am now turning into an angry mother. Because Qing Zu Qiao is not a number, she is not a piece of paper. She is important, she is one of my top priorities, and she is my concern. She deserves to be held, to be loved, to be a daughter of a mother and father. To be a sister to her loving siblings. To be the granddaughter, the niece and the cousin that grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins so desire her to be. She deserves more and she deserves it now!
So I am trying to get my game plan together. I am giving this one more week. By Friday, I want positive answers from someone who has the authority to give us approval. If not by then, I am going to ask for your help. Help from all of you that I know care about Elli as well. I don’t know what all I can do just yet, but I am going to try to make some noise, get some attention and get some help.
I don’t understand why this little girl is having such a hard time coming home. It doesn’t make sense to me. I know that God is in control, he knows, he has a plan. I want to be submissive to whatever he wants me to do. I will knock on every door available to me and do my best to walk through every door he opens. Right now, I just feel like I am beating on a whole room full of doors, but no one is answering.
We are in process of trying to start building a house, a house to better accommodate our growing family. This is a dream that we have had for a long time…a dream that includes Elli. When we bought the farm, I prayed that if it wasn’t what God wanted for us, he wouldn’t let it happen. We just knocked and the door opened. Rodney and I both agreed during that time that we would give a home to needy children until God tells us to stop. So when we learned about Elli, we prayed about her, the adoption and both felt that we couldn’t say no…we promised God we would do it just 8 months prior. We didn’t know it would be so soon after bringing home Anna or the circumstances that surrounded, but we said that we would. We made the steps of adopting her in faith that God would see this through.
Right now we are doing all that we know to do and leaving the rest up to God. I cannot change anything or anyone’s mind, but I know that God can. I believe with all my heart he moved in China regarding the deadline…I know he can move here too. So right now, I am asking for your prayers regarding our approval. That our representative’s office will be able to find out answers and that somewhere, someone’s heart will soften and grant us permission to bring Elli into the United States. As well, please keep this other family trying to adopt from Ethiopia in your prayers. They love this little boy, just as we love Elli. It is hard, frustrating and wearing.
Praying for a miraculous move & sending love to Elli,
Rodney, Marcy, Carter, Jacob, Parker & Anna
Well, we are always looking at options on how to help save/make some extra money for adoption costs/fees. Several of my adoption "buddies" have held various raffle type events in order to raise money. So, I thought I would do a Fundraising Experiment to see if it would work for us. There are drawings for Wii consoles, cameras, GPS devices...you name it. I didn't want to do anything "big" until I found out if it would be successful or if the readers of this blog even wanted to do anything like this. But, I thought we would give it a shot and see. 
